The Courage to Live Without Liquid Courage
"If my drunk friends can do it, so can I."
The first time Brynn and I went drinking, I blacked out. I was 19 and we started with grapefruit margaritas. Then pilsners. Some $5 IPAs after that. Next came the clouds. Later, outside the halal truck, there were flashes of drunken confessions—from the classic “I loooove you” to the mushy “I’m so grateful we met!”
I now have the same confession, but I am making it with a clear head. I am so grateful to have met my friend, Brynn Bottalico. At 22 years old, Brynn made a radical choice: to be 100% herself, all the time. She hasn’t had a sip of alcohol for over 555 days. To add fuel to this feat, I must share a surprising detail of her sobriety story: Brynn has two jobs built around booze.
In her 9-5, she helps clients navigate alcohol as a substance use counselor. At nightfall, she moonlights as a waitress, pouring shots for patrons in a Manhattan watering hole. While she may not drink, Brynn still buzzes—with life. She can be found grooving til mid-morning, training for a marathon, or asking a guy for his number—sober. She is vivacious, fearless, present. And she is part of the reason I am now writing this, 31 days alcohol-free.
After years of saying next year, I’ve finally completed my first Dry January today. While I expected to feel healthier without hangovers, I did not anticipate this colossal change in confidence. Before, I used to believe I could only brave discomfort with a buzz. This month has proven to me that I am capable of courage—without liquor leading the way. And that’s exactly what Brynn is all about. I’ve been so inspired by her booze-free bravery that I wanted to feature her here. While you might not know her, you might get fueled by her. Our conversations have been edited for length, but her candor remains.
Brynn, let’s start with the biggest question: What made you stop drinking?
I had always strongly identified with being that outgoing, party person, but then the pandemic happened. I was forced to ask myself, “Wait, what could I be doing better in a time where that’s all I can really do?” I couldn’t control the virus, but I could control the things that make me feel good. Drinking was feeding my insomnia and anxiety, and I just thought: this is what I think I deserve?
Did you quit cold-turkey after that realization?
As someone that started drinking at 14, I didn’t know my adult self in a long-term sober state. So I decided to do 30 days without drinking as a social experiment. Turns out it was the most successful experiment of my life.
It was like from one day to the next—you transformed. I was impressed. I still am. Why have you stuck with it?
It’s given me such clarity on what’s genuinely fun for me. Without alcohol, I’m like a kid on Christmas morning—there’s this natural high that comes from doing what I want. I’ve also lost the pressure of missing out. If I don’t enjoy something now, I’ll leave—like, “Hey, I’m going to go now!” When others start fading into the drunken abyss, I get to go home and get an epic sleep.
But what’s so cool is that you still enjoy going out to bars on the weekends. You just don’t drink.
I wasn’t a sober karaoke singer until I became one. I had to force myself to learn how to socialize sober. Now, I still do the same things I thought I needed alcohol to do. Sometimes, I’ll challenge people to make a list of things they think they can’t do without drinking so they can see how you can honestly do more. And you’ll save a ton of money.
By not spending $5 a day on drinking—which I didn’t used to do, but going out on the weekend would add up—I’ve saved $2,800 in total so far, according to my I Am Sober app.
It’s crazy how I’ll justify spending $22 on a cocktail and then hesitate to buy a hardcover book. Aside from the savings, what else have you gained from not drinking?
I’m a sober junkie now. I feel so much braver doing everything I want to do for the sober buzz rather than the liquid buzz. I love the thrill. Don’t get me wrong, it’s blissfully uncomfortable to do hard things sober. Like giving a 15 minute speech at my graduation ceremony—or even karaoke. But without alcohol to lower my nerves, those experiences are so much more empowering once they’re in the rearview mirror. I’ve learned that if my drunk friends can do it, so can I.
That electric, sober buzz is like feeling unstoppable. How has not drinking and that new “buzz” affected your dating life?
It’s so much easier now to figure out if I actually like who I’m on a first date with. Was it fun? Yes or no. Would I do it again? Yes or no. I have my answer. I’ll still go on dates at bars, and I’ll just order a club soda and probably some food.
As a waitress, I see a lot of dates and how after 3-4-5 beers, almost anyone is attractive. All your intentions are out the window. So often, I used to end up doing things I didn’t actually want. I wasn’t asking myself: Do I want another drink because I don’t want the date to end, or do I want another drink because we already started drinking?
Do you tell guys ahead of time that you don’t drink?
It took nine months of getting used to not drinking for me to feel comfortable being upfront. Now, I get to the point: I don’t drink. Being honest gives them the chance to filter themselves out, so it saves time for both of us. I’ve had people fully unmatch and ghost me, but I’ve also met guys that really like that I don’t drink.
When you first told me you quit drinking, you credited a book for taking away your desire to drink. Does that still feel true?
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace fueled everything in me. I attribute that book to euphorically making me never look back. Every single sentence struck me. It changed my life.
What have you learned about sobriety from your clients as a substance use counselor?
Figuring out if you have a problem is the first struggle. If you don’t wake up with the shakes or need vodka first thing, does that mean you’re in the clear? Not necessarily. I see a lot of comparison culture being used to determine if your alcohol use is problematic or not.
As a therapist, I’ve only seen positivity come to people’s lives from sobriety. Of course, there’s struggles along the way, but the positivity has been huge.
Do you have any tips for the sober curious?
I’d say to ask yourself, “What do you have to lose that alcohol hasn’t already taken from you?” Really consider it. I firmly endorse trying 30 days without drinking—it was the magic number for me, but define your own experiment. Go in the direction of discomfort and fear because that’s where true change happens.
Cheers to that. Thank you for sharing your brazen spirit, my friend.
Doing Dry January: I’ve always wanted to try this, yet I always made every excuse for why I shouldn’t. I only drink on the weekends! I’ll miss out! You only live once! But if I didn’t do it during my Brazenface year, then would I? So I committed. And I found myself feeling the “whole spectrum of emotions,” as Brynn says—and it’s been wild. I’ve cried holding a stranger’s hand and I’ve danced alone in my room, high off happiness. There’s a lot more to write about my relationship with alcohol, and this is just the scary start.
Shredding black diamonds: I learned to snowboard in college, where I also learned that shots of Jameson are standard in between runs. With liquid courage, I could conquer black diamonds. This month, I started doing them sober, and it’s been the most exhilarating rush to successfully send it because of my own ability—not because of alcohol.
Trying new styles: I never write profiles, so crafting a newsletter around an interview was foreign to me! I also wrote and pitched my first piece of satire, and…I shot, directed, and starred in my first commercial.
To celebrate the end of Dry January, I partnered up with the world’s greatest drink to create their first—and probably last—commercial.
Watch it here:
“Another shot of booze-free bravery, please," is Tatiana Gallardo’s new favorite drink order—also known as water. When she’s not chugging H2O, you can find her building brands at R/GA.
Congratulations on getting sober! I just hit six months on February 16.
Thank you, Tatiana! This was the first newsletter I received after I subscribed, and it didn't disappoint 😍
I've been sober for 6 years now and I can totally relate to "that electric, sober buzz". Without alcohol, it takes more guts and heavy breathing to do hard things, and that's okay!
Congrats on conquering Dry January! 👏👏
That "commercial" was hilarious, by the way 🤣 A+ for effort!